Yet Another Chapter Begins...

Wow it has been FOREVER since I last posted. Funny thing, I'm on to the next thing in life. So a little update and what has been on my mind lately...

I am now living back in California with my sister and her family again. I've come back for round two. Not because someone told me to, not because I didn't absolutely LOVE Logan, but because it was what needed to happen next in my life. Logan was good to me. I never imagined I would end up back in California, especially where I felt so right about going up to Utah State this last semester. I loved it up at Utah State and honestly I thought I would be there longer than I was. Throughout this summer I started feeling like maybe going on a mission was the right thing for me... REALLY... the right thing for me. It was an interesting reality because I never REALLY thought I would serve a mission. It was always one of those things that sounded like it would be cool to go and something I wanted to do but never felt like I would actually serve one. Well I started fasting and praying about it... A LOT... It felt right during the summer while I was up at Oakcrest. {a Summer LDS Girls Camp I worked for}. Well this past semester was a big change for me... like HUGE... I didn't know what to do and I felt confused so I decided to go in a talk with my bishop about a mission. I laid everything out on the table to him and told him EVERYTHING, basically my life story.

For the first time in a very, very long time, if not my whole life I felt like someone understood what I meant; someone got it other than me. I wasn't crazy, it did make sense. I felt so at peace and he opened my mission papers.Due to crazy, confusing, "stuff"

that I won't get into right now, I haven't exactly finished my papers yet but I'm working on them. Well about two weeks after I started my mission papers I met someone... typical right?

It's interesting how you can go so long with no one showing any interest interest whatsoever and then as soon as you start mission papers all of the sudden you are interesting to the opposite sex. Awesome.

Anyway, we dated for about a month and then through fasting and praying about it things didn't feel right. I didn't know if it was just me getting cold feet because I was moving or if it really was just me not feeling right but during my fast I felt like the spirit was telling me that there was something better for both of us elsewhere. So even though it was hard, I broke things off.

I finished of the semester as strong as I could and got ready to move. With so little time and so many people to see, I did my best to say goodbye to those I knew I wouldn't see probably for awhile.

As leaving approached the more doubt and sadness crept into my thoughts. I wanted to go because I knew I was supposed to but it was hard to go. I knew that as long as I listened to the spirit, everything would fall into place. So the night before I left my friend Melissa and I threw a little Holiday party and it was good to be able to see my friends and be able to say goodbye.

When I woke up the next morning I felt numb. I couldn't believe the day I was moving out

actually came. It almost felt like a bad dream. I was hoping it was a little bit. Packing my stuff into my dad's car and barely being able to fit it, reality started to set in. I really am leaving.

It's not something that I'm going to be talking about anymore but it is actually happening. Pulling out of Logan was bitter-sweet.

It was such a good chapter of my life. Short. But so great. I did a lot of growing and learning there. I hope to return someday. When we finished moving all my stuff home we headed for the Salt Lake Valley. In the winters now-a-days my parents live with my grandparents in the city so my dad doesn't have to commute in the snow and it saves a lot of money with snow removal expenses and gas. I wanted to see as many of my friends as possible so I tried to strategically plan my time for the few days I had left in Utah. I was able to see almost all the people I wanted to see but unfortunately not all. I hate not being able to be in five places at once sometimes. I was able to see some of my Oakcrest friends, High School friends, and my cousin Thomas.

Monday was finally here. I honestly could NOT believe it. It didn't feel real. I woke up early so my mom and I could work out some problems with my blood test for my mission papers. It was a mess. I came home and finished packing and that was it. My dad gave me a blessing and they took me to the airport. I felt like crying. I was scared and unsure. I know that it was Satan taking a toll on me but it was working. It was hard. I had to buy a book to read to keep my mind off things and I'm not even much of a reader.

The plane ride was nice and short and I was in California. My sister came to pick me up and it was a great reunion being with her. The next week we anxiously awaited for my sister to have her baby. There were a few false alarms but she waited until after Christmas to join us. Christmas was fabulous. It was very different to be away from my parents and my usual Christmas but it was fun to be with the Sharp family. Two days after Christmas my niece was finally born. It was such an incredible experience. My sister that I am living with {Melanie} has her children at home with a midwife.

It is a very interesting, and different option that our culture isn't familiar with or really accepts. I remember when I first found out with her first baby that she was doing this it made me really nervous. The more I've learned about birth and researched it, the more interested I became in what it was like. It was really neat to be able to play a role in this birth and be able to learn so much from this amazing experience. After this experience it makes me wonder why home-birth is so uncommon because it really was a slick process.

I wasn't planning on being present for the birth because I was there to watch after the other kids and keep them entertained and out of the way but where it was at night when she came, the kids were in bed, I was lucky enough to be invited to watch. What an incredible experience it was to be able to watch this new perfect baby join our family. And what a miracle birth really is.

It was very emotional and I am grateful that I was able to participate in such an amazing event.

Life is good. It's sometimes challenging and unpredictable, but good.

As this year is coming to a close and I have been reflecting on my year and I have realized that it has been a big year in my life. So much has happened and I have learned so much. It has definitely been a year for the books and I feel blessed. I found a quote the other day that really struck me and I haven't been able to get it off my mind. It says, "You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one." How true that is. This is a new chapter in my life. Even though the last one was short, I am on to the next one. I know that I am in the right place doing the right things. I know that as long as I stay close to the spirit, everything will fall into place. I keep feeling anxious and excited to see what is next in my life because I know that it's going to be big and it's going to be great. I have a nice plan in mind for myself but I know that the lord knows me so much better than I know myself and he can come up with something far better than I could even imagine. I feel so blessed and I am ready to take on this coming year and anxious to see what it has in store for me. To the year 2012... Happy New Year Everyone!

Difficult to Understand...

At the close of this day I find myself a little on the down side. I'm trying to understand why I feel so good about something and then all of the sudden I don't. Leaving Cedar City was much harder than I thought it would be. I thought I was ready for something new. I thought I was ready to move on. I'm not saying I'm not, I'm just saying it has been a lot harder than I ever imagined. The reality is slowly sinking in that I'm not going back this Fall. Cedar is no longer home to me, I'm the visitor when I go there and it is not only weird but hard. I may be getting ahead of myself but this is how I feel right now. I get to go down tomorrow for one of my friend's bridal shower/bachelorette party which I'm totally excited about but I'm just kind of bummed. I miss my friends, I miss my life. I know that change is good and I'm excited to see what the next chapter in my life has to hold but I'm just sad that the people in the last chapter of my life aren't going to be an everyday or even probably very often occurrence in this new chapter of my life.

I know transferring up to Utah State is what I'm supposed to do. It wasn't just a random thought that popped into my head one day, nor was it an easy decision. I have fasted and prayed about it and I feel like that is where the lord wants me to go, it's just {difficult to understand} sometimes of why. Staying in Cedar City is what makes sense. It is were I have established my home away from home. It is where all my friends are. It is where I had an amazing job with amazing people. It makes sense. I guess what I am learning through this process is that sometimes what makes the most sense, isn't what is necessarily right. I know that the lord is mindful of me, I just need to trust in him that everything is going to work out and that there is a reason I am doing this. It is going to be hard, but I know I can't do it without his help.

I'm looking forward to being able to see all my friends tomorrow and being back where I feel comfortable. I'm hoping it's not going to make me more down though. However, it is up to me whether or not I am going to be happy. I'll do my best to keep a smile on my face through this challenging change.

Xoxo.

M

Thank You . . . for the memories

"People will forget what you said, and people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

~Bonnie Jean Wasmund

As the summer quickly approaches I can't help but think about how fast this year has flown by. It seems like just yesterday I decided to move out to California and I was headed out there for the summer. Little did I know this time last year that it would be the best summer of my entire life. I remember being scared of the unknown, but I was really ready for a new adventure and to get away and be able to truly figure out who I am, what my testimony is. I was so blessed to meet the people I did. The people in my ward, the people I worked with, my sister's amazing friends, and all the other people that I was able to cross paths with this summer.

I feel like I was touched and influenced by so many people this summer and I am eternally grateful to all of those people and wanted to pay tribute to them today...

I'm grateful for my first friend I made out in California and for my sister introducing me to her. Sam thank you so much for helping me feel

welcome and for introducing me to many people

while I was out there. I miss you and appreciate

you and your friendship to me. You will forever

be my friend and I feel so blessed to have you as

a friend in my life.

To all my work friends, Jillian and Jesse my wonderful bosses and Jonathan, Sabrina, and Anthony my Manager and assistant managers were the best! And my favorite co-workers, Jeff, Matt, and Mark. I had an amazing experience working with all you people.

You are some of the most amazing people I will ever know and I am going to miss you all so much this summer, truly. Hopefully I will get to see some of you if I end up coming out at the end of the summer. :)

For all the amazing people in my ward. The

amazing relief society and priesthood. For the amazing bishopric and just everything. Just to mention a few names:

Sydney, Jessica, Leighann, Melody, Luke, and all the Living Scripture boys. I seriously lived for going to church and activities because this was my chance to be around people with the same standards as me and I'm so grateful for that.

From beach activities to volleyball nights,

anytime I was able to spend with these amazing people, it was always a good time. My testimony

grew so much over the summer and am forever

indebted to the Monta Vista Ward and for all that they taught me about myself and helped me

understand why the gospel is such an important part of my life. Thank you for all of your examples to me and for the love you all showed me as I lived out there last summer. Oh how I wish I was returning to the Bay Area for the summer, however there are other things in store for me this summer but I will hopefully be back sometime in August to visit.

How could I forget the whole Clark Pest Control Company working in the Bay Area? I had the amazing opportunity to spend quite a lot of time with these boys and I had a blast.

Special thanks to Shawn for taking us out on so many fun outings and for always making me feel welcome. Thanks to Nate for always keeping life lighthearted and finding something to laugh about. And to Jon for always hanging out with Matt and I and for attempting to teach me to play the guitar, maybe someday. haha Thanks to Spencer and Tricia for hanging out with us too and for all the chats we were able to have with them. Thanks to Regan for allowing me to hang around so much and for allowing me to get to know him and his family. Thanks to Matt for all the memories and for all the things I was able to learn from him. I was able to create some memories with Clark that I will always remember.

I was able to have one of my best friends close to me throughout the summer. Jenna and I both moved out to California to live with our sisters and work for the summer. It was so nice to have Jenna so close to have a little piece of home in such a foreign place. It was so good to be able to call Jenna up and have a sleepover or even just to hit up the beach together.

I have been down at SUU with Jenna for 2 years now and am sad to say I'll be leaving and won't be so close to her anymore but know that we will be friends forever. I am so grateful for my friendship with Jenna and look forward to many more memories to come with her.

I had the opportunity of living with my amazing sister and her cute family for an entire summer. They opened their home to me so freely and were so nice to host me for the summer.

They were so amazing to allow me to be in their hair and to help me with everything as far as giving me a place to sleep, finding me a bike to use for the summer, feeding me, teaching me life lessons, and so much more. I will never be able to thank this amazing family enough for all that they have done for me and continue to do for me in my life. I look up to you and your family so much Melanie and I miss you all so much it hurts. I'm looking forward to being with you again soon and wish I was coming back but appreciate you constant love and concern for me even though we are so far away from one another. I miss waking up to the kids' faces every morning and for my late night chats with you and Phil, not to mention our on-going battles of Blokus. I love you all so much and will forever hold my California memories dear and thank you again, for if it weren't for you all, none of this amazing summer would've been possible. So thank you thank you again and again.

Lastly, through Melanie I was able to meet some of her amazing friends who throughout the summer became my friends. I would just like to thank Sarah, Erin, and Megan for their amazing examples of amazing mothers, friends, sisters, and women they are in my life and the lives of many that surround them.

Talk about true friends, these women are all there for each other no matter what. The willingness they have to serve each other was just amazing to me and set a tremendous example to me. Thank you so much for allowing me to tag along and learn so much from the both of you. I love you both so much and will never be able to thank you enough for your examples of true friendship and love to me. I'm so grateful that I was able to get to know your children as well. What sweet, beautiful spirits they all have and it was an honor to have them call me "Aunt Mer" by the end of the summer. I can't wait to see you all when I come out and hopefully visit at the end of the summer. (hint, hint to Mel ;) ) You are all beautiful inside and out! :)

So as I come to the close of this post I am grateful. Grateful for the amazing memories that were created last summer and for all the amazing people that made up those memories. I was able to meet some of the most amazing people I will probably ever meet in my life within the short period of a summer and I am forever grateful to them for allowing me to be a part of their lives and for them being a part of mine. They have all truly touched my life in such a way that has made me change and want to be a better person and I am forever grateful for that. Thanks for the memories... Summer of 2010 was only filled with good ones. Love you all!

Missing all of you-

Merilee

Thank You . . . for your faith

"Thanks for showing me that even on the darkest, rainiest days the sun is still there, just behind the clouds, waiting to shine again."
~Lisa Harlow

Today I would like to pay tribute to my wonderful parents and for the faith that they have had for me and continue to have for me. I am the 12th blessed child that my parents have together and I am equally grateful for them as my 11 siblings. My parents are the ultimate examples of faith. I know us outsiders can only imagine the faith these people have but I have witnessed the faith these two have excerised throughout my life. The faith that it must have taken to have not just a couple of kids but 13 and to love and care for each of them the same. Through many hardships and miscarriages getting all of us here, I'm grateful they never lost faith or I probably wouldn't be here. My parents have been through some of the most difficult trials I have ever had to see people go through and even when times get rough and hard, they seem to continue to have faith and know that everything will work out. They know that the lord is on their side and they have taught us that from a very young age. My parents have been so supportive throughout my life and have always been those cute parents at every soccer game or Drill Team performance or competition, even though they have seen the same dance 893748923 times. My parent's have always allowed me to follow my dreams and do and go where I want and need to go to fufill those dreams and aspirations. Like I said, they have faith that I will trust in the lord and that everything will work out if I just have faith and trust in the lord. I'm grateful for my parent's and for the faith they have in me. Even when I make a mistake, they always seem to have faith in me. I appreciate their love and examples in my life and am so blessed to be thier daughter and be able to call them my parents. I love you both and appreciate your love for me.

All my heart and more,

Your baby girl

Simply Happy

Today I had one of those days that was just really good. As I have thought about the past month of my life I can honestly say that I am just simply happy. It has been awhile since I feel like I can honestly say that. All it took was for me to just "Stop and Smile" and just step back and realize how blessed I am in my life. I have such an amazing life and so many amazing people cheering me on in the race of life. It's the simple things in life that make me so happy whether it's simply going on a picnic with one of my lovely roommates or going for a nice jog at sunset on a warm spring evening. I just had one of those yummy days where I have just been at peace and so happy. My life has been so crazy busy lately with trying to get everything ready to move home and get everything ready to transfer, getting my runs in as I continue to prepare for my race, and finishing up school but today I feel like I was able to just escape all that stress and anxiety for a day and just enjoy life. Today I'm happy with where I am in life and where I'm going. I'm happy with the person I am and with the person I am becoming. Things in life are looking up even though things are hard. I'm sad to close such an amazing chapter in my life, but I'm anxious to see what the next one has to offer. So take a minute and just "Stop and Smile," think about what you are grateful for and the things that bring you happiness in life.

Life is good.

Xoxo,

Me

Today's Thoughts. . .

Today I received my official acceptance letter to Utah State. There has been a lot of prayer and a lot of trust in the lord that has gone into this decision. I know that there has been a lot of criticism whether it has been stated out loud or not but it has been hard to put that judgement aside and go with what I feel is right even though I know not everyone has agreed with my decision. There has been a lot of support too, don't get me wrong, but I have learned that you can never make everyone happy. I know that this decision is right and that I needed to take this leap of faith and listen to my heart. I know that with the help of the lord, I can get through this new journey. There have been a lot of other voices and a lot of opinions about my decisions in life, which are important to me but above all I have learned you have to to listen to your heart and listen to the spirit in everything. I know this is the right thing for me in my life and I know that the lord is on my side.

Thank You . . . for your inspiration

"I am grateful for whatever helps my spirit grow."

~Florida Calloway

Today as I reflect on who to thank this particular quote reminded me of my young women leaders growing up. As my life as a teenager has come to a close, I often think of these women who helped me battle life as a teenager. They have all helped me learn so much and I still reflect on the lessons and counsel they gave me just a few years ago. It's weird to think that I've been an old Relief Society lady for almost three years now. I am grateful for all the fun memories I will forever hold dear and for all the amazing examples I had growing up in the Woodland Ward Young Women. I have had far too many Young Women leaders to even begin to try and start naming but you all know who you are. Thank you for your incredible examples to me and for always loving me and looking out for me. I am grateful that I can still see them all when I go home to visit and that we are still close. Thank you for always checking up on me and making sure I'm doing alright.

I am especially lucky to have one of my Young Women Presidents as my best friends mom and as my adoptive mom. Paula you are amazing and I look up to you so much. You are strong and beautiful and I am so blessed to have you as such a big part of my life. Thank you for always welcoming me into your home and for making me feel part of the family almost. You home has been one of the places I feel the most safe and comfortable throughout the years and I can't thank you enough for that.

As I was looking back at my pictures I couldn't find any pictures of me with my leaders which makes me so sad but you all know who you are. I know that I wouldn't be the person I am today without your examples, counsel and inspiration. I learned in Young Women that church callings really are inspired. I saw that with the women that were called to work with me and the girls I was in Young Women with and I have seen it in my Singles Wards I've been in and the callings I have had. This summer I am going to be working up at Oakcrest Girls Camp and I hope that I can make girls camp as fun and spiritual as all of my leaders did for me. I'm looking forward to being able to reflect on my Girls Camp experiences and to be close to home where all those amazing, inspired women still are. Some have come and gone, but they are mostly still all up in Woodland. I love you all and I'm grateful for you all in my life. Thanks for everything.

Keep on Keepin' on,

Merilee