Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Difficult to Understand...

At the close of this day I find myself a little on the down side. I'm trying to understand why I feel so good about something and then all of the sudden I don't. Leaving Cedar City was much harder than I thought it would be. I thought I was ready for something new. I thought I was ready to move on. I'm not saying I'm not, I'm just saying it has been a lot harder than I ever imagined. The reality is slowly sinking in that I'm not going back this Fall. Cedar is no longer home to me, I'm the visitor when I go there and it is not only weird but hard. I may be getting ahead of myself but this is how I feel right now. I get to go down tomorrow for one of my friend's bridal shower/bachelorette party which I'm totally excited about but I'm just kind of bummed. I miss my friends, I miss my life. I know that change is good and I'm excited to see what the next chapter in my life has to hold but I'm just sad that the people in the last chapter of my life aren't going to be an everyday or even probably very often occurrence in this new chapter of my life.
I know transferring up to Utah State is what I'm supposed to do. It wasn't just a random thought that popped into my head one day, nor was it an easy decision. I have fasted and prayed about it and I feel like that is where the lord wants me to go, it's just {difficult to understand} sometimes of why. Staying in Cedar City is what makes sense. It is were I have established my home away from home. It is where all my friends are. It is where I had an amazing job with amazing people. It makes sense. I guess what I am learning through this process is that sometimes what makes the most sense, isn't what is necessarily right. I know that the lord is mindful of me, I just need to trust in him that everything is going to work out and that there is a reason I am doing this. It is going to be hard, but I know I can't do it without his help.
I'm looking forward to being able to see all my friends tomorrow and being back where I feel comfortable. I'm hoping it's not going to make me more down though. However, it is up to me whether or not I am going to be happy. I'll do my best to keep a smile on my face through this challenging change.


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