Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Life Goes On

Well, well, well...
Life the past few weeks has been a bit rough, between stressing over school and going through some heartbreak and some other things. I'm learning a lot of lessons but it has been difficult to stay positive and remind myself to learn something from such a painful experience. As I have pondered about my feelings and really just about how life is hard, not only for me but for everyone really. I've always loved the quote, "I didn't say it would be easy, but I said it would be worth it." I know that it is going to be worth it in the end. Sometimes in the process of reaching a goal it can be very difficult not to be blinded by the heartache and the disappointment, especially when it ends in such a positive and loving way. Sometimes it seems like it would just be easier to have it end badly so you could just hate and resent them and be able to move on faster but I am grateful that it happened in such a tactful way and that he was very gentle about it, it's just hard that I can't be angry about it. I'm not angry, just hurt. It's hard to look at the positive side when you don't really understand why it had to happen and understand all the why's and what if's, but I am learning that the lord is trying to teach me, yet again, to trust in him. I'm realizing that I cannot do this alone, that as much as I don't want to rely on others and the lord, I have to. My roommates and family have been such a great support to me and I appreciate them in my life. Sometimes when you feel like no one understands how you're feeling, we have to remember the atonement and the fact that Christ suffered for "all pains" not just sin but heartbreak, disappointment, confusion, saddness, everything. It doesn't matter what words of comfort someone offers you, no one will be able to completely understand what we are going through in our lives. Sometimes people have had similar experiences and can relate in some way or another, but when it really comes down to our different challenges and trials, everyone experiences them differently and everyone has their own heart so no one knows EXACTLY how you feel, except the savior. That's why we are counseled to "turn to him" because he suffered all those pains for us and he does understand what we are going through. I guess I've never really looked at the atonement from that aspect until I was sitting in my institute class other day and we were talking about how the atonement has to do with every aspect in our lives. So as I have been feeling bad and sad about everything that happened I have realized that it's okay that I am feeling that way right now, and if I wasn't feeling this way it wouldn't be right because I really did love him and I really am heartbroken. Sometimes we don't understand why certain things in our lives have to happen and the timing of all of it, but keeping the focus and outlook that it will all make sense someday and that god has a plan for all of us, that everything will work out in time. Thinking about life and everyone and thier different challenges it hit me the other day that things like this happen everyday. On a really great day that I'm having, just thinking that someone got their heart broken just like I did in that same day. Or like in the same day I had my heart broken, worse things happen, someone maybe lost a mother, or a child, or a couple got divorced, ect. Sometimes when we are going through trials we get so caught up in our pain and how hard life is for us and if we can just step back and look at the lives of people around us and realize that life isn't "easy" for anyone. Everyone is here doing the best they can and we just need to support eachother throughout this life. Life is full of important choices and important lessons and if we can just remember to learn from our trials, learn from our mistakes, and be grateful for all of those things in our lives good and bad, then we can go about life in such a different light and find "joy in the journey" even in hard times. I've always loved the quote by President Monson, "The past is behind, learn from it. The future is ahead, prepare for it. The present is here, live it." If we can do that then we will be blessed and we will be so much happier in our lives. We have so much to be grateful for in this life and yeah sometimes it can be challenging, but that's life. We learn throught the hard times. So come with me and take the challenge to truly "find joy in the journey" and not let the crappy things in life get us down. Chin up and be happy, even if it is hard. :)