Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Yet Another Chapter Begins...

Wow it has been FOREVER since I last posted. Funny thing, I'm on to the next thing in life. So a little update and what has been on my mind lately...
I am now living back in California with my sister and her family again. I've come back for round two. Not because someone told me to, not because I didn't absolutely LOVE Logan, but because it was what needed to happen next in my life. Logan was good to me. I never imagined I would end up back in California, especially where I felt so right about going up to Utah State this last semester. I loved it up at Utah State and honestly I thought I would be there longer than I was. Throughout this summer I started feeling like maybe going on a mission was the right thing for me... REALLY... the right thing for me. It was an interesting reality because I never REALLY thought I would serve a mission. It was always one of those things that sounded like it would be cool to go and something I wanted to do but never felt like I would actually serve one. Well I started fasting and praying about it... A LOT... It felt right during the summer while I was up at Oakcrest. {a Summer LDS Girls Camp I worked for}. Well this past semester was a big change for me... like HUGE... I didn't know what to do and I felt confused so I decided to go in a talk with my bishop about a mission. I laid everything out on the table to him and told him EVERYTHING, basically my life story.
For the first time in a very, very long time, if not my whole life I felt like someone understood what I meant; someone got it other than me. I wasn't crazy, it did make sense. I felt so at peace and he opened my mission papers.Due to crazy, confusing, "stuff"
that I won't get into right now, I haven't exactly finished my papers yet but I'm working on them. Well about two weeks after I started my mission papers I met someone... typical right?
It's interesting how you can go so long with no one showing any interest interest whatsoever and then as soon as you start mission papers all of the sudden you are interesting to the opposite sex. Awesome.
Anyway, we dated for about a month and then through fasting and praying about it things didn't feel right. I didn't know if it was just me getting cold feet because I was moving or if it really was just me not feeling right but during my fast I felt like the spirit was telling me that there was something better for both of us elsewhere. So even though it was hard, I broke things off.
I finished of the semester as strong as I could and got ready to move. With so little time and so many people to see, I did my best to say goodbye to those I knew I wouldn't see probably for awhile.
As leaving approached the more doubt and sadness crept into my thoughts. I wanted to go because I knew I was supposed to but it was hard to go. I knew that as long as I listened to the spirit, everything would fall into place. So the night before I left my friend Melissa and I threw a little Holiday party and it was good to be able to see my friends and be able to say goodbye.
When I woke up the next morning I felt numb. I couldn't believe the day I was moving out
actually came. It almost felt like a bad dream. I was hoping it was a little bit. Packing my stuff into my dad's car and barely being able to fit it, reality started to set in. I really am leaving.
It's not something that I'm going to be talking about anymore but it is actually happening. Pulling out of Logan was bitter-sweet.
It was such a good chapter of my life. Short. But so great. I did a lot of growing and learning there. I hope to return someday. When we finished moving all my stuff home we headed for the Salt Lake Valley. In the winters now-a-days my parents live with my grandparents in the city so my dad doesn't have to commute in the snow and it saves a lot of money with snow removal expenses and gas. I wanted to see as many of my friends as possible so I tried to strategically plan my time for the few days I had left in Utah. I was able to see almost all the people I wanted to see but unfortunately not all. I hate not being able to be in five places at once sometimes. I was able to see some of my Oakcrest friends, High School friends, and my cousin Thomas.

Monday was finally here. I honestly could NOT believe it. It didn't feel real. I woke up early so my mom and I could work out some problems with my blood test for my mission papers. It was a mess. I came home and finished packing and that was it. My dad gave me a blessing and they took me to the airport. I felt like crying. I was scared and unsure. I know that it was Satan taking a toll on me but it was working. It was hard. I had to buy a book to read to keep my mind off things and I'm not even much of a reader.
The plane ride was nice and short and I was in California. My sister came to pick me up and it was a great reunion being with her. The next week we anxiously awaited for my sister to have her baby. There were a few false alarms but she waited until after Christmas to join us. Christmas was fabulous. It was very different to be away from my parents and my usual Christmas but it was fun to be with the Sharp family. Two days after Christmas my niece was finally born. It was such an incredible experience. My sister that I am living with {Melanie} has her children at home with a midwife.
It is a very interesting, and different option that our culture isn't familiar with or really accepts. I remember when I first found out with her first baby that she was doing this it made me really nervous. The more I've learned about birth and researched it, the more interested I became in what it was like. It was really neat to be able to play a role in this birth and be able to learn so much from this amazing experience. After this experience it makes me wonder why home-birth is so uncommon because it really was a slick process.
I wasn't planning on being present for the birth because I was there to watch after the other kids and keep them entertained and out of the way but where it was at night when she came, the kids were in bed, I was lucky enough to be invited to watch. What an incredible experience it was to be able to watch this new perfect baby join our family. And what a miracle birth really is.
It was very emotional and I am grateful that I was able to participate in such an amazing event.
Life is good. It's sometimes challenging and unpredictable, but good.

As this year is coming to a close and I have been reflecting on my year and I have realized that it has been a big year in my life. So much has happened and I have learned so much. It has definitely been a year for the books and I feel blessed. I found a quote the other day that really struck me and I haven't been able to get it off my mind. It says, "You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one." How true that is. This is a new chapter in my life. Even though the last one was short, I am on to the next one. I know that I am in the right place doing the right things. I know that as long as I stay close to the spirit, everything will fall into place. I keep feeling anxious and excited to see what is next in my life because I know that it's going to be big and it's going to be great. I have a nice plan in mind for myself but I know that the lord knows me so much better than I know myself and he can come up with something far better than I could even imagine. I feel so blessed and I am ready to take on this coming year and anxious to see what it has in store for me. To the year 2012... Happy New Year Everyone!

1 comment:

  1. Love it! You are beautiful and following the spirit and the path the Lord has designed for you!! I love you and am so sorry I didn't get to see you before you left for California!