Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Peace out 2010

I've done a couple of blog posts about 2010 but through the inspiration of some of my blogger friends I thought it would be fun to do a review of the main highlights of my year last year. Now for any of you that follow my blog, (which who are we kidding, probably no one, I feel like my blog is more for me and no one really cares to read it,) but I have mentioned that the year 2010 was the best and the worst/hardest year yet. So as another year has slipped away and I'm faced with a New Year I'm grateful for the chance to brush off last year and try again. So here are some highlights of the year 2010 in the life of Miss Merilee Goates...

January 14 came before I knew it and I was already in my second semester of college. It was a new year and I was ready to make some goals and stick to them. No more messing around. Sticking to those goals I was able to make more friends and feel good about myself. January was the coldest month of the world's history. Walking home from school was close to impossible! I felt like a modern-day pioneer everyday I had to step outside and battle the elements to get to and from school but I did in fact survive. Between the stress of getting back into school and trying to figure out what in the world I was going to do as a summer job I was ready for something to fall into place. I was looking into anything and everything to do and I was really excited to get called back for a couple of jobs I had applied for out in California. The only downfall is that they wanted me to fly out there to interview and I couldn't afford to do that. I was disappointed but my sweet sister, who had been helping me look for jobs out there, stumbled upon an application for a Lifeguard and Swim Instructor position at the local pool just down the street from her house and teaching lessons for another summer seemed like torture because I had been doing it for so long but I decided just to apply and see what would happen. By this point I was just looking for anything to get away. I needed to get away, far far away, and learn some life lessons. I had been fasting and praying about what to do for the summer and I felt like the idea of living in California didn't only sound amazing but it seemed right. However, I was getting discouraged because everything kept falling through. Nothing seemed to be working out so I was questioning the feelings I was having about it seeming so right. Within that week of applying for that position at the pool I heard back and they basically handed me the job. I knew that I was qualified but the "job interview"over the phone ended up being us setting up my schedule for the summer. I felt like this job basically fell into my lap and which was such a blessing. It was official.. I was going to be a "California Girl" and I could hardly wait!

February came and went quickly which I was okay with. I was anticipating March because my brother was coming home from his mission, I was turning the big one nine and Spring Break was very much needed.

As March came quickly, it was Spring, and life was looking good.
My brother came home and it was so good to be together again. It was awkward at first because we had both grown up a lot. I was just a young Junior in High School when he left and now I had close to a year of college under my belt and becoming a woman, and he was just a little 19 year old boy who seemed amazing before he left but came back a man. By March I honestly wasn't concerned about boys in the least. I had learned to not care and I continued to be "one of the guys" like it always was growing up, (which by this point after the last semester I had I was perfectly fine with). My birthday was pretty epic. I was able to have my best friend in the world and two of my nieces come down and celebrate with me. While she was here we talked a lot about her coming down here. I have always teased her about coming down here but she had pretty much set her way on going to Snow in the upcoming Fall. When she came down I
just asked her if she wanted to at least go walk around the campus, secretly hoping that she would fall in love with it and change her mind but not sure of anything. Shortly after that weekend Kate seriously thought about it and decided she wanted to come down to SUU that next Fall. I was so excited!!!The next week Spring Break had finally arrived!! We had a lovely week starting out up North visiting with some of Jenny and Alyssa's friends in Orem and some of my friends up in Woodland and Kamas. We said our goodbyes to Elder Matthew Lee then headed out of the Kamas Valley. We headed to Vegas(compliments of Alyssa's father) where the real Spring Break magic began. We literally slept in late, relaxed and hung out by the pool all day everyday, hit the sweet spa at the sick resort we were staying at, and went out every night. It was SOOO nice to have that break. I needed it. After a lovely Spring Break, I had to snap back to reality because the end of the semester was creeping up behind me.
April was already here and the thought of being apart from each other all summer was not a comfortable feeling for the Apartment 44 family. Jenny and Alyssa had decided to move up to Seattle to work for a Pest Control Company with Jenny's older brother, I was headed to Cali, and Katy was headed back to the promised land of Tooele County. It was like we were the girls on Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and this summer was going to be rough. In the month of April we said goodbye to our beloved Elder James Page and attended his farewell. It was so good to send all my best friends on missions but hard. I would just think how am I going to live these next two years of my life without my best friends who have been by my side for the last 7 years of my life. It seemed nearly impossible. As the semester came to a close we began to realize that the majority of our friends we had made our first year of college were either going on missions, married, or no longer going to be attending SUU. It was a sad time of life but we lived it up the last few weeks of the semester. As finals week was in sight, Katy and I decided we wanted to make a really nice dinner for the girls for finals week to ease some of the pressure. It was lovely. Finals were rough but we got through them. Jenny and Alyssa moved out and Katy and I were the only ones left. We parted our ways and it was sad but I was looking forward to spending the month of May with my best friends Kate and Tiff!!! :)

May was one of the hardest months of 2010. I felt so out of place and awkward moving back home. I wasn't moving out to California until June so that I could be in Utah for my best friends' graduation and my niece's wedding (not to mention the fact that I was kind of nervous to move
out there, I had never had an experience like this before.) I felt like it was important for me to be at these important events so I decided to wait till June to move. It was good to spend some quality time with my girls but it was just hard. Once you've moved on from high school and you finally are settled into the college lifestyle, it's hard to go back.
So the graduation was great, and the wedding was beautiful. Before I knew it, it was time to head to California.I couldn't believe it. It was June. On the 2nd of June my mom and I set out on our journey to California.
We rode with my good friend Jenna and her mom Sheryl who were headed out to California as well because Jenna got a summer job out there and was going to be living with her sister, which was like 15 minutes from where I was going to be living with my sister. It was a long trip but Jenna and I had some good chats and I was realizing how excited I was that something familiar was going to be close to me throughout the summer. I was so excited to get out in the world and to learn about myself. The whole point of me moving to California was to get away from what I have always been used to and to learn more about myself and to strengthen my testimony. The first two weeks were miserable. I was waiting for my training to begin but I had a couple of weeks so I was really lonely.
Spending time with my sister and her family was good but I missed being surrounded by friends and things to go out and do. So my sister introduced me to my first friend the next weekend and everything seemed to get better. It felt good to have a friend and to go out and do stuff. Jenna and I went to our first week at the singles ward and loved it. We went to FHE the next night and quickly made friends and were invited to go to volleyball night the very next night. I also started my job training that week so I was so busy all of the sudden but I liked it; it made life much more enjoyable.
At my work training I met a friend who asked some questions about the gospel. I had the opportunity for the first time to be the only member of the church at my workplace. I was excited for this but so nervous at the same time. I was constantly bombarded with questions but I was prepared for this. I had been praying and had received a blessing that I would be able to touch the lives of those I was surrounded with in this foreign place. So the friend I made stood up for me when people would judge my beliefs. We had some insightful conversation that first day so I invited him over for dinner the next night so we could talk more in depth and than that way I would have the support from my brother and sister as well. We chatted over dinner and I offered him a Book of Mormon along with my written and spoken testimony. I felt like a missionary, it was AWESOME! The next night Jenna and I were going to volleyball with the ward so I thought it would be a good opportunity for him to mingle with some members in a more lax environment than church, so I invited him to come with us. We met some amazing people, not to mention some pretty cute guys. We talked to a couple of them and I subtly asked who was going to the beach activity that Saturday. One of them was and one of them wasn't, I was going and Jenna wasn't. I was excited. So Saturday finally came and I was so excited! He was there! We ended up riding in the same car to the beach and spent the whole day together. We played some sand volleyball, soccer, Frisbee, and talked a lot. He asked for my number and I gladly gave it to him. About a week later after hanging out quite a bit and going on a couple of dates we realized we were only interested in each other and not really anyone else, so we made it official. Meeting an amazing guy was the last thing I expected for the summer.
June flew by and it was already July. I spent everyday working all day and then spending time with this amazing man all summer. Life was good. There were a couple of weekends he had to go other places and I missed him but life was good. We went on a "Daycation" to San Fransisco and it was a blast! Good to spend an entire Saturday together just touring and relaxing. I found out in
the month of July that my dear Jenny wasn't going to be returning to SUU in the Fall and I was really bummed about it.
She felt like she needed to transfer to UVU and live with her family so as much as I didn't want to support her in this because I wanted to be selfish and have her all to myself, I knew I had to. Also, being away from Kate was weighing on me. 3 months didn't seem long to be apart until we were actually living it. I was having an amazing summer but I wished all summer Kate could be there with me.
I took many different Beach trips throughout the month of July with friends and it was a good time. I knew I would miss this a lot when I came back.

Before we all knew it, it was August and time to start thinking about when we were going to be heading back and the stress of starting another school year was setting in. The conversation of being apart was hard. He was going to be at USU in Logan and I was going to be in Cedar at SUU, opposite ends of the state. We decided we were going to try it out and just go with the flow. I worked hard for the last couple of weeks of work and then set out for home on the 17th of
August. First stop, to meet the boyfriends family. I was nervous but anxious. They were really great and we had a good time. A few days later we headed up to meet the Goates' family. I was nervous but super excited. I had never brought anyone home to "meet the family" but I was excited and I knew they would love him. I was only able to spend one day at home before it as time to move back down to Cedar. I was sad I only got to spend a day at the ranch before it was time to pick up and move again and I was sad I didn't get to spend much time with my family but I needed to meet my boyfriends family and I knew I would be back home soon. It was a hard day but I got through. I was so excited to be with my girls again and excited to add Kate as part of the Apt. 44 family.
The first weeks of school were good. It was good to be back with the girls but hard to be away from the boy. We talked everyday and tried to Skype a few times a week so that helped.

The first few weeks of school flew by and it was already September. September consisted of traveling back and forth, up North back to Cedar to be with my boy and family and life was good, busy, but good.
I applied and got accepted to USU and was thinking that I might transfer there in the Spring for personal reasons. Before I knew it the month of October snuck up on me. I went home the first weekend of October for Conference and Matt and I went to watch his brother race in Park City. The weekend was perfect. Normally our house is a madhouse during conference and it is like another holiday at the Goates' house but this year it was just us and my parents. It was kind of nice to have a quiet weekend and to be able to actually pay attention to the conference talks. In the month of October Matt and I went the longest amount of time yet without seeing each other and Halloween weekend was very much anticipated. I was planning on going up to Logan to spend Halloween with him and I was so excited to see him. Everything was set in stone for me to go to school up there in the Spring but we needed to talk about what our status was because I didn't want to transfer and make things awkward if things weren't going to work out, so we were reaching a cross road. On the night of the 20th we were talking and the very last thing on my mind was things not working out between us. Well, I was wrong and it was over. I was sick about it and had a hard time holding myself together for the next couple of weeks.
After a weekend with the girls in St. George and 6 inches of hair later. I had a new look to hopefully help me get over this hard time. I decided to go home for Halloween and be with my family because I thought the college scene after this heartbreak didn't sound very fun to me. That weekend my brother to proposed to his girlfriend and that was hard to watch but so happy all at once. I was so happy for them and I love Jessica but it was hard when I was so close to that step but never quite made it.
November came and went. I spent the month pretty stressed out and down because I was trying to pick up the pieces and figure out what my next move in life was going to be. I found myself frustrated because I was happy, and I had a plan, and to watch that all change overnight was challenging. I tried to forget about it and keep myself busy but I found that it was always on my mind whether it was conscious or subconscious, I couldn't escape the thought of him and the pain of it all. Thanksgiving was one of the hardest weekends of this year. I felt like I was surrounded by so many amazing people (because I was, my family is awesome) but I felt completely alone. It was nice to have someone with me when I was with the family. To have someone to be on my team when we played games and someone to say prayers with at night and kiss goodnight. I felt so alone. I tried to pull off the whole "I'm fine, there are worse things" but I was in pain underneath it all. No one knew what to say to me and there weren't many words that were comforting. I made it through Thanksgiving and was okay but dreading finals week and Christmas Break.
Finals week was here and so was December. Finals were close to impossible. I thought that this semester was going to end with a bang and my GPA would pull up but this surprise challenge skipped into my life and getting good grades became a joke and near impossible. I couldn't focus on anything because everything I thought of came back to him. The thought of being home and having nothing to worry about sounded nice but I knew that would contain a lot of days sitting and thinking. That was about the LAST thing I needed at this point so I decided I would take it one day at a time.
The time to head home came and I was looking forward to a break from school but not looking forward to being alone. In the winter my parents move to my grandparents in Salt Lake so my mom can help my grandma and to save money so hanging out at grandma's all day everyday gets pretty boring pretty fast, especially when I don't have any friends to hang out with. My brother's fiance' got MONO so she came and stayed with us for a couple of days so my mom could aid her back to health. It was nice to have someone around and to be able to bond with her. Kate came down a couple of times, so that was nice. I was able to pick up one babysitting job and go to Kamas a bit. OH MY, don't forget going on the WORST date of my life, not to mention it was a blind date and it was the first date back in the dating scene. Talk about never wanting to date again... I know the feeling. Basically my break consisted of me sleeping, checking Facebook non-stop, getting a new phone, watching a lot of love movies, and trying not to think about the elephant in the room but couldn't. It was a VERY emotional month for me. Christmas was lonely too but not quite as bad as Thanksgiving. I felt like I was healing but one thing would remind me of him and I was back at square one. The day to go back to Cedar was in sight and I was looking forward to being back at work and staying busy so I had less time to sit around and think. New Years came and Marla, Kate, and I made plans. Kate ended up getting sick so it was up to me and Marla to ring the New Year in with a bang. Well to be quite honest neither of us were really feelin' the whole "ringing in the New Year with a bang," we just cared about being together and doing something really low key because let's not kid ourselves, if you think I wanted a New Year's kiss, you have been mistaken. So we enjoyed a lovely dinner at Noodles and Co. together and then went to THEE worst movie in the world and had planned to be in the theater when it struck the New Year so we didn't have to worry about how to celebrate. I was just happy to be with Marla, so you could say it was the best/lamest New Year's but I rather enjoyed it.

So as New Years came and went I was thinking about the year I was saying goodbye to and the year that laid just right ahead. I thought about all the things I had learned this past year, all the good times and bad and just thought about the things I want to accomplish in the year 2011. I am still heartbroken but I realized that it's a New Year and I have a chance to try again. Like I mentioned in my last post, without these hard experiences, I wouldn't be the person I am today. Sometimes life is hard but we have so much more to be grateful for. I have come to realize through this break up that I LOVE Carrie Underwood and one of her songs really helped me get through. Here is just the 1st verse and chorus:
"Lessons Learned"

There's some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some bitter endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

I realized that it is up to me to brush this off an move on. No it's not going to heal overnight but I need to be doing my best to become the best I can become. It is my choice to be happy or miserable and I think for the past few months I have chosen to be miserable. When we choose to be miserable we are letting Satan win. Do you think he wants us to be happy? The answer to that question is no. The old saying "Misery loves company" is so true. He does want us to be miserable but I'm done being miserable. I know that these are things that were essential to my plan. Sometimes it's hard to see that but if I can keep that mindset life is so much happier. So as I close this post and put the year 2010 in my past once and for all I'm going to keep in mind this quote from Oprah:
"Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on,
with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.
Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right."
- Oprah Winfrey

Peace out 2010, Bring it on 2011!!!