Cleanse Day 7: The Final Day

YAY!! I made it!

Today was such a great day!

I woke up refreshed and felt energetic all day!

That was a change from being exhausted all week.

I don't know if it was simply because I knew it was over today or what but I was feelin' good.

It honestly scared me to break it,

I thought to myself,

"What am I supposed to eat now?"

But it felt good.

**Bottom Line**

IT WAS WORTH IT!

It felt so good to accomplish something like this.

It sounds simple but this was really hard.

My first reaction to doing it was,
"Sure I can do it, I love fruits and veggies... 7 days isn't that long... how hard could it be?"

Well I most certainly ate my words this past week.

{no pun intended haha ;) }

It was hard.

But I'm glad a stayed strong.

I surprised myself.

I learned that I have more self-control than I give myself credit

and I know that is the case with everyone.

I learned that there is never a convenient time to do it so you just have to do it if you're going to.

There's always going to be a holiday, or not enough time to blend a smoothie, or whatever the excuse may be.

The reality is, Now is the time.

The old saying "My diet starts tomorrow" is not a good one.

You gotta take action.

I learned that it is important to have support.

If you can get someone to do it with you, even better.

This week was good.

I feel good.

I broke my fast with a handful of salted Cashews.

Sounds lame, but when all you have been eating is fruits and veggies for a week,

cashews have never tasted better.

Now as for my plan.

What now?

I'm going to slowly start adding things into my diet.

Tonight I added humus, a few seasonings, cashews, and some pita bread.

I've learned to be more aware of what I'm eating but not overly obsessive about it.

I feel good about my new habits.

What a great week!

Thanks to those of you who followed.

Cheers!

** By the end of my cleanse I lost 8 pounds.

7 days.

I wasn't doing it to necessarily lose weight but..

WOO HOO!

I'm going to do my best to keep it off.

Cleanse: Day 6!!

Another day down...

Today was good.

It was easier to get out of bed today, I wasn't as tired.

Then, I hit a wall about 9:30 a.m. ...

Another wall at about 2:30p.m. ...

And another at about 7:30 p.m. ....

So still feeling a little tired.

The eating is going well.

I had some delicious smoothies today and I'm feeling good about resisting all of the wonderful desserts presented to me today, which is weird for me because I LOVE my dessert.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow being my...

LAST DAY!!!

I'm starting to add different things back into my diet tomorrow and I'm excited.

I'm not exactly sure what,

but I don't want my body to freak after only eating fruits and veggies for a week.

{Anything at this point I'll be happy with;)}

Today was a great day.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow.

I'm feelin' good.

As for now...

I NEED sleep.

I know I've been saying it all week,

but it's true.

Nighty night Cyberspace!

Cleanse: Day 5

Day 5 goin' strong...

2 days left!!!

Today was good.

I woke up feeling a little draggy and tired

but as soon as I woke up I was perky for most of the day.

As far as the hunger factor...

I don't really feel all that hungry anymore.

I think the hardest part is mealtimes.

I don't know what to eat.

I like variety when I eat and I definitely miss that.

It's frustrating to open the fridge at any given meal time and pull out what you pulled out for the last 3 meals.

It gets a little old,

but it's alright.

Only 2 days left!!

My sister mentioned my skin today.

She said she thought my skin looked "glowing" today.

I hadn't really noticed but I did notice as I was brushing my teeth before bed,

I think it has helped my complexion and given a glow to my skin. :)

Today my brother-in-law asked me what I'll be eating for dinner a week from today,

I didn't know how to answer.

One thing that I know is that it's not like I'm going to be eating only fruits and veggies for the rest of my life that' for sure.

It has made me think twice about all the junk I'm used to eating however.

Don't get me wrong...

I still like the yummy desserts and things

but,

I will be more aware of what I choose to eat.

I'm going to try to no longer just eat to eat,

it's honestly not worth the calories.

But I haven't grown obsessive so I feel good about that.

Overall, I think this is something I could do a few times a year maybe,

I feel like it has helped but hasn't made me want to do it more than 7 days.

Maybe some other type of cleanse,

I don't know...

but not this one.

Anyway, I need sleep.

Cleanse: Day 4

The word to describe today is Exhaustion.

Yesterday was hungry, but today I'm just plain tired.

As far as the eating goes...

I'm sick of it but it doesn't really make a difference.

I'm getting used to eating like a rabbit.

We even stopped by In-N-Out after Ward Temple Night...

I was fine.

Anyway, just another day.

I feel like I'm over the hump where it's really hard.

It's still hard at times,

But it's getting better and easier.

I'm feeling better.

6 pounds down. :)

Tonight at the temple I was "spiritually fed" so that helped ease the hunger ;)

{I know, bad, lame joke... I'm tired}

Goodnight Bloggingland.

Cleanse: Day 3

I SURVIVED!!!

I had previously heard that Day 3 was the hardest, honestly I didn't think it was that bad.

It was still hard.

I'm still hungry, but I did it.

I love it when I can prove to myself that I CAN do hard things and succeed.

Anyway, I woke up and was pretty groggy today.

I think that was the hardest part was that I was so much more tired today than the other days.

As far as "clearing out" it has been VERY effective.

I was beginning to worry because not much "clearing out" was happening the first couple of days

{if ya know what I mean}

but today it was most definitely working.

So that was good to feel like it's actually working.

Also, I broke out today.

Not super stoked about it, but I know that it's a good sign for detoxing.

Anyway, I'm ready to defeat the next 4 days!

BRING IT!

3 days down,

3 pounds down.

Keep on Keepin' on.

Peace and Love.

For the record...

I'm hungry and SOOO incredibly sick of fruits and veggies.

Cleanse Day 2

Today was Day 2 of my 7 day cleanse.

Where is the love is what I have to say about today?

Seriously, first offered the most tempting looking cupcake ever (and I don't even like cupcakes that much), then my cute boss gets me a caramel apple for working extra hours on Friday that I can't even eat. :( THEN I come home and my sister's neighbor brings over the most beautiful display of the most delicious looking chocolates I have ever laid eyes on... Talk about a bummer of a day in the food department. (more desserts I suppose)

Yesterday was bread -- today was desserts {and nuts}

But in all seriousness...

It was okay.

There were ups and downs for sure.

I woke up feeling super energetic, like the first awake in the house (which NEVER happens around here). I was feeling great until about 2 p.m.; I hit a wall... a big one.

I attempted to have some carrot juice for lunch... Not happy. It was YUCKY! After that I just felt nauseous so nothing sounded good.

I decided it would be good in a smoothie but I couldn't do it straight.

I know it has only been 2 days... but I'm getting tired of only Fruit and Veggies.

Don't get me wrong, I love them... but when it's all you eat all day for two days straight... it gets old fast, believe me.

I guess I didn't realize how much I really do love food and simply having a variety.

I've heard that Day 3 is the worst and then it's better if I can just get past tomorrow.

We'll just have to see I suppose.

It has been hard but I'm hoping that it's worth it in the end and that I feel like a million bucks! :)

Here's to another day!

Goodnight. Sleep tight.

(I know I will.)

Cleanse.

Today is Day 1 of my cleanse. I have decided to do a strictly vegetables and fruit cleanse for the next 7 days (at least). Some of you are probably thinking... What? Is she crazy? Why would she do that? Is that healthy? I know that those were all of my questions when I started thinking about it and researching it. I have watched many people do many different cleanses and have seen many different results. I am not doing it to necessarily lose weight, {although I won't complain if I lose a few pounds} I'm simply doing it to flush out my system and sort of hit the "restart" button on my body. Lately, I have been feeling icky. Just sick like all the time. Whether it be my body aching, "stomach/digestion issues," sinus infections, {TO THE MAX causing headaches and loss of sleep} or just plain, LARGE and in charge. As I am preparing for my mission I want to feel prepared and fresh in every way, Spiritually, Physically, Emotionally, ect.

Last night I watched a documentary on Netflix called Fat, Sick, & Nearly Dead and I was truly inspired. Although my cleanse won't be quite as dramatic and life-changing as the "juice fast" probably, I was amazed the difference something like this can make. I was amazed to see the confidence, and just the way the countenance of these people transformed throughout the video. It also gave me a sense of just how hard it's going to be. It is Day 1 and I'm already feelin' it. {Not to mention it was Fast Sunday today, so I'm doubly feelin' it.}

I know that this will be good for me though, to clear all that junk out before I leave and soon don't have control over what I eat all the time.
{I'll be doing it when I get back too I think... If I survive that is.}

So I know that this is going to be hard, and I know there will be moments in this week where I feel like I'm going to die. I know there will be moments when I feel great. I know there will be moments when I'm grumpy because I'm just plain hungry... but anyone can do something for a week right? That's at least what I keep telling myself. :)
Anyway, Happy Cleansing and hope you enjoy this journey I'm embarking in...

Goal #1: Avoid ALL food blogs, pinterest, basically ANYTHING related to food.

Yeah... My sister made Homemade Rosemary Bread tonight. Rude.

Xoxo.

M

A Day To Remember

February 25th, 2012 I went through the Oakland Temple to receive my own endowment. What an amazing experience it was. It was a hard decision whether I should go through the temple out here in California or if I should fly home and go through in Salt Lake. What ended up making the most sense was just to go through out here, that way I could save more money, and go through faster and more. Even though only two of my sisters and my Aunt Nancy and Uncle David were the only ones that could make it, it was such an amazing, beautiful experience. I know that there were many of my loved ones who have passed to the other side that were there supporting me as well. I could truly feel of their spirits in the temple and it was such a neat experience.

Going through the temple for the first time was such an amazing experience. It is hard to articulate what it was like and how it felt. It was both foreign, yet familiar. It was simple, yet so complex. It was beautiful. I'm excited to be able to return to the house of the lord and learn more about his perfect plan for each of us. I am so grateful for the temple and for the covenants I have made with my father in heaven. I still have a lot to learn but I have a testimony of the reality of the gospel and that through the ordinances in the temple we can be eternal families. I am so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life and for my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. What a privilege it is to take part in such an amazing gospel.

Called To Serve

A complete unexpected surprise came in the mail today. I officially submitted my papers exactly 10 days ago and was anticipating receiving my call in about 2 more weeks. I had joked that it would be awesome if it would come while my mom was in town visiting and sure enough.. It did!

(I tried a couple of times to upload the video of me opening my call but it wouldn't work.. I'll work on getting it uploaded.)

Sister Goates,

You are hereby called to serve as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You are are assigned to labor in the Washington DC South Mission. It is anticipated that you will serve for a period of 18 months.

You should report to the Provo Missionary Training Center on Wednesday, May 2, 2012. You will prepare to preach the gospel in the English language.

I can't believe it!!! I'm really going to be a missionary... for reals! It's not something I'm saying that I may do or that I'm thinking about doing... I'm really doing it MAY 2ND 2012!!! I cannot tell you the feeling I have had all day! It's hard to articulate but it's a feeling of a little bit of everything at the same time. I feel so honored to be a servant of the lord for the next 18 months and know that my call to the Washington DC South Mission is inspired and that is where the lord needs me. I'm totally stoked!!

Xoxo,

Sister Goates

Sabbath Thoughts

Today was such a great day. I absolutely love Sundays!!! I look forward to the day every week. It gives me a chance to recharge for the week and start over.

Anyway, the reason today was so great is because it was exactly what I needed today. You know those Sundays when you are sitting in church and you feel like everything that is said is specifically meant for you? That was me today. To start off we had an incredible Sacrament Meeting. I am still new to my ward so today I had my 5 seconds of whatever it is, either fame or embarrassment to stand and be recognized that I'm a new member in sacrament meeting. That wasn't the good part though. We had two cute sisters who happen to be twins speak that recently both returned home from missions this past November. They did such an incredible job. They invited an incredible spirit to the meeting and made my desire to serve a mission grow even more. They talked about how they both had desired to serve a mission since they were in primary and they were both so happy they did. They talked about a few different experiences but what really got me is when they both talked about how the mission changed their lives and some of the lessons they learned. I felt like the whole time the spirit was telling me, "This is what you want... BELIEVE ME!!" After sacrament meeting I wanted to run up and hug them both and tell them good job and thank you but so many people were talking to them so I thought I would try and catch them after Relief Society. During the Sunday School hour I attended my first Temple Prep. Class. I couldn't believe I was actually sitting in a temple prep class. It made me so excited!!! Today the lesson was about how to prepare to enter into the temple. We talked about pretty generic things: Staying morally clean, being a full tithe payer, keeping the word of wisdom, and Sabbath observance; you know stuff like that. It was a comforting feeling to feel like I have a pretty good grip on those things and that I really am trying to live my life in a way that I can worthily enter the temple in the next couple of months. After that lesson we had Relief Society. Relief Society is and has always been my favorite meeting... well I love Sacrament Meeting too but I love the discussion in Relief Society and just the amazing sisters that are constantly surrounding me. Today our lesson was on 'Love thy neighbor as you love thy self.' It was a great lesson to reflect on how I can be better about loving and showing compassion for others. AHH I love church!!! As soon as Relief Society was over I literally run up to those two sisters that spoke in Sacrament and hugged them and thanked them for their talks. The words that they spoke and the spirit they invited stuck with me and kept resonating in my head throughout my meetings. They were so kind and loving. What amazing sisters!!! I told them how I am working on my mission papers and they were so excited for me. They were giving me all these tips and telling me about how much it really will change my life. I talked to them about the opposition I have been facing and such and asked some questions and it was like the spirit was telling me not to fear and reconfirming to me how bad I really do want to do this. 'There is no reason to fear' were the words running through my mind all day today. Also, little do these sisters know.. they were literally an answer to my prayers. The past couple of weeks I have been struggling with making friends and they were just so sweet and kind. I feel like I made two lifetime friends today and I am grateful for that. I know that my father in heaven does hear my prayers and he really is so aware of me and my life. I am so grateful for that.

With that said I am ready! I'm starting my mission prep class this week and I'm hoping to be able to start working on my papers again so I can get them in. I am seriously so excited!!! The gospel is true and I love it so much!! I can't wait to share it with the world, but as for right now I will do my best to share it with those I can reach.

Xoxo;

Sister Goates

(doesn't that just sound good?)

Happy Birthday Grandma

Yesterday was my grandmother's 90th birthday party. I'm currently living in California so today I am missing her birthday celebration and I'm sad to missing out on that. I just wanted to write a brief tribute to the wonderful grandmother that I have.

Grandma Peggy (Ruth Brazier Hewlett Weight):

*90 years old.

*Amazing woman.

*Incredible and very strong testimony.

*A Million Dollar Smile.

*The biggest heart and one of the kindest people I know.

*Eager to serve.

*Daughter, sister, mother, mother-in-law, grandmother, {great}-grandmother, friend, mentor.

*Beautiful countenance, inside and out.

*A world traveler.

*Always up for an adventure.

*Fashionista Grandma

*Humble

*Compassionate

*Faithful

*Righteous

*Has lived the greatest 90 years of anyone I have ever known.

Happy Birthday Grandma! Love you lots and wish I could be with you to celebrate. May you have many more wonderful moments in your life.

Miracles

These past couple of weeks I have been doing a lot of reflecting and a lot of thinking about my life and the blessings I enjoy. I came out here to California plainly on faith. I knew that my heavenly father is aware of me and that he would take care of me. But holy cow. Everything in my life has orchestrated so perfectly since I got here. I'm not going to say it has been an easy trial of faith but really he has made everything fall into place so quickly in order for me to be able to fulfill my righteous desires. Right now in my life my number one desire and goal is to serve a full-time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have always thought that it would be cool to serve a mission but never really felt like I would actually serve one. There have been many miracles leading up to this decision so I would like to share a few.

Miracle #1: Summer 2010.

I know that I have talked a lot about my summer of 2010 a lot but it has been such a huge part of my life and a huge part of the reason I am who I am today. Summer of 2010 was the best summer yet. I was in love, had a job I loved and was good at, I loved my ward, life was good.

It was in the Summer of 2010 that I had developed my own testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter-day saints for the first time. I was raised the the church and always had faith it was true I had just never really established my own testimony of it I guess. Well after my freshman year of college that faith was put to the test. I had to opportunity to move out to California for the summer and work and live with my sister. For the first time in my life I was put in the situation where I was the only member of the church at my workplace. I had to figure out what my testimony was and I realized I was representing the church, the lord, and my family all day everyday. I can't tell you how incredible it was. I was able to bare my testimony every single day of that summer to someone whether it was through word or by example. I realized that I can do that everyday of my life. I was able to introduce the church to a friend and be a missionary for really the first time in my life. It felt good. I could talk about that summer forever but I can't even put into words everything I learned that summer and how much a grew that summer. I will forever be grateful for that summer and for the chance I had to figure who I am and what my testimony really is.

Miracle #2: Last Semester @ SUU.

Spring semester 2011 was a rough one. I was lost. I had recently gone through some personal heartbreak and lost sight of that person I had become Summer 2010. I wasn't myself anymore and I knew that something needed to change. Through much prayer, priesthood blessings, fasting, counsel with my bishop, counsel with my parents, and support from my friends, I realized and decided that it was going to be my last semester at SUU.

It was such a hard chapter to close of my life... harder than I had ever imagined but I knew it was what needed to happen.

However, with it being such a rough start it was one of the best semesters ever at the same time and in that semester I learned so much. I was able to watch one of my closest friends embrace the gospel and join the church. What an incredible event that was. I felt so blessed to be a small part of it and it strengthened my testimony so much. I was able to be myself again through this experience. There were many good times in this semester and I feel blessed for the people I met and who were and continue to be so important to me.

Miracle #3: OAKCREST(summer 2011).

The reality struck me this summer working at Oakcrest. Oakcrest is an LDS Girls Camp I was blessed enough to be a part of this past summer. I worked as a counselor where I was assigned 8-13 girls, ages 12-14 every week. There were 10 weeks of summer, with many lessons to be taught, and learned. It was during this special summer and chapter of my life that I had really felt like a mission was right for me. I was blessed to work with an incredible staff.

These women are the best of the best, truly precious and valued daughters of god. Few were returned missionaries, many had the desire to serve in the future. As I have watched in the past 6 months many of them have fulfilled that desire and while this was all going on a had developed my own desire to serve a mission. Oakcrest was hard. It was the hardest job I have ever had emotionally, spiritually, and physically. It was also the best, most rewarding job I have ever had. It was at Oakcrest that I was taught how powerful prayer really is and that miracles really do happen. I also was able to make 50+ new best friends that I knew would be lasting friendships forever. As I have been contemplating when to put my availability on my mission papers because I have considered going back to Oakcrest for a summer because it has been such a huge part of who I have become. Through much fasting and praying I have decided to leave Oakcrest behind for this year. It has been another hard chapter to close, but I know that my desire to serve a mission is my number one desire. I know it has been recognized by the lord and I know that he will provide a way for me to be able to go.

Miracle #4: Utah State Fall Semester 2011

This semester started off really rough as well. It was a really hard adjustment at first. I wasn't happy there. I missed my life in Cedar City.

I missed my friends and I wanted so badly to be back there. With my job, my roommates, my life. I missed it... a lot. I quickly learned that I couldn't live this way forever. I realized that I needed to "Come what may and love it." I needed to enjoy this semester and this new chapter of my life.

I was so blessed to be able to have such good friends that I had made at Oakcrest. Those girls literally saved my life. If it weren't for them I would still be that miserable girl I was moving up there. I learned so much this last semester and I was blessed enough to have such an incredible bishop and ward. I had that singles ward that everyone wishes they were in... you all know what I'm talking about. Seriously the 46th Ward was where it was at. Bishop Weaver was where it was at. I was able to meet with my bishop and counsel with him. It was happening... I was really going on a mission.

For the first time in my life I felt like someone knew what was going on in my life, someone that trusted me that I am living by the spirit and doing my best to do what I felt the lord would want me to do. I will forever be grateful for Bishop Weaver and for his loving, kind personality. Counseling with him I truly felt that he was an inspired man of God and it strengthened my testimony of inspired church callings. It was in that semester that I knew I needed to be somewhere else the next semester. But all that I had learned and enjoyed... how to country swing, that it's completely fine if you have no idea what to study, to have fun again, to love again, to put myself out there again and meet new people. It was a hard reality to come to but again through fasting, prayer and counsel with my bishop I knew that I was supposed to be in California. My sister had offered to have me come out and live with her to help her with her new baby and to earn and save money for my mission. It was what was right. So closing another incredible chapter in my life was hard to do but I knew the lord would take care of me.

Miracle #5: California round 2.

So here I am. Due to being a poor college student I have a long way to go to be able to afford to serve a mission. Hence, why I am here in California saving the money I need to go. It has been a hard road getting here as you have read (if anyone is still reading.) There has been a lot of criticism in the past year of my life of the way I have gone about chapter to chapter but all I know is that it doesn't matter what others think.

I am doing my best to live close to the spirit so it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is what he thinks and I know that the lord loves me and has a plan for me. I know that this season of my life is exciting, scary, and challenging, but I'm ready. I know that with the lords help all things are possible. Moving here was hard. I enjoyed my new life in Logan going to Utah State but I know that this is where the lord needs and wants me right now. It has taken a lot for me to be able to admit those words with the last couple of weeks I've had. From the moment I arrived here everything has seemed to magically fall into place. The day after I got here I got a part-time job. Within the week I got here I had pretty much filled up the rest of my time with a couple different nannying jobs. I was amazed how quickly everything worked out. I was able to witness the miracle of life through the birth of the newest member of our family, baby Clara Grace Sharp. What an incredible experience that was. I have already been able to learn so much and know I have so much more to learn while I'm here preparing for my mission. I am grateful for the life I have and for the family I have. I have witnessed some pretty tough family situations through my work and it makes me feel so blessed for what I have. I know that I am in the right place. Even though up until a couple of days ago I wasn't willing or happy to admit that, I am now.

I am grateful for this knowledge and I love my savior and my father in heaven. I am grateful for the experiences I have had leading up to this point in my life and this decision in my life. I cannot wait to be a full-time missionary and to serve 18 months focusing solely on being a servant of the lord and my relationship with him. I know that even though I have faced a lot of opposition and that I'm scared and feel completely inadequate, I know the the gospel of Jesus Christ is true and I feel so incredibly blessed to have it in my life and that I have the chance to share that knowledge with the world. Our beloved prophet Thomas S. Monson once said, "For whom God calls, God qualifies."

http://lds.org/ensign/1993/09/preparation-precedes-performance?lang=eng&query=%E2%80%9Cwhom+lord+calls,+lord+qualifies.%E2%80%9D

When Life Gives You Lemons...

Tonight I am having a hard time getting my thoughts down on paper,or even articulating the way I feel in any way really, so hopefully this makes sense. It has been one of those days today... you know the ones where you just can't seem to win. The funny thing is I haven't done much today, or gone anywhere, but I think it's in those days where this seems to happen, at least to me that is. It's those days where you have time to sit down and think about all of the things you don't like about yourself and all the things you wish were different in your life...

hopefully I have painted the picture clear enough so you know what I mean. Anyway, I'm not here to complain about how hard my life is or how hard this past week has been, even though those may have been my intentions when I sat down tonight to write this blog post. I'm here to let you in on a little insight I had tonight as I {literally} made lemonade. I was making lemonade tonight and was thinking about the old saying, "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade." I guess you could say I haven't been making lemonade lately in my life. Instead I have spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself. I've been thinking about how I feel about the way I look, and all the hard decisions I have to make in the coming months, and how I can't seem to accomplish all the things I want to in my timetable. I will say I have some pretty tough decisions to make in the next couple of months and I have made some pretty hard decisions in the past couple of months, but I know with no doubt, I will be fine.

I know the lord is on my side. I know he has a plan for me, it's just remembering that in the moments lemons get thrown at me. Remembering there is a reason for everything in our lives even though it may seem so insignificant at the time. I love this quote by Dr. Seuss that talks about choices. It really is my choice which way I go in life and I know with the lords help I will be able to go in the right direction. I won't give up, I WILL get back up and try again. Tomorrow is a new day and famous words of my witty, eloquent best friend, "Life always seems to be better with a good nights sleep."

So my parting words tonight are, be happy. Life is too short to get caught up in the negative things. It's hard sometimes, but so much better to remember the good things in life. Focus on the blessings we enjoy, not the things we lack.

Remember the words of Elder Holland, "Don't give up. Don't you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is happiness ahead... You keep your chin up. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come."

Yet Another Chapter Begins...

Wow it has been FOREVER since I last posted. Funny thing, I'm on to the next thing in life. So a little update and what has been on my mind lately...

I am now living back in California with my sister and her family again. I've come back for round two. Not because someone told me to, not because I didn't absolutely LOVE Logan, but because it was what needed to happen next in my life. Logan was good to me. I never imagined I would end up back in California, especially where I felt so right about going up to Utah State this last semester. I loved it up at Utah State and honestly I thought I would be there longer than I was. Throughout this summer I started feeling like maybe going on a mission was the right thing for me... REALLY... the right thing for me. It was an interesting reality because I never REALLY thought I would serve a mission. It was always one of those things that sounded like it would be cool to go and something I wanted to do but never felt like I would actually serve one. Well I started fasting and praying about it... A LOT... It felt right during the summer while I was up at Oakcrest. {a Summer LDS Girls Camp I worked for}. Well this past semester was a big change for me... like HUGE... I didn't know what to do and I felt confused so I decided to go in a talk with my bishop about a mission. I laid everything out on the table to him and told him EVERYTHING, basically my life story.

For the first time in a very, very long time, if not my whole life I felt like someone understood what I meant; someone got it other than me. I wasn't crazy, it did make sense. I felt so at peace and he opened my mission papers.Due to crazy, confusing, "stuff"

that I won't get into right now, I haven't exactly finished my papers yet but I'm working on them. Well about two weeks after I started my mission papers I met someone... typical right?

It's interesting how you can go so long with no one showing any interest interest whatsoever and then as soon as you start mission papers all of the sudden you are interesting to the opposite sex. Awesome.

Anyway, we dated for about a month and then through fasting and praying about it things didn't feel right. I didn't know if it was just me getting cold feet because I was moving or if it really was just me not feeling right but during my fast I felt like the spirit was telling me that there was something better for both of us elsewhere. So even though it was hard, I broke things off.

I finished of the semester as strong as I could and got ready to move. With so little time and so many people to see, I did my best to say goodbye to those I knew I wouldn't see probably for awhile.

As leaving approached the more doubt and sadness crept into my thoughts. I wanted to go because I knew I was supposed to but it was hard to go. I knew that as long as I listened to the spirit, everything would fall into place. So the night before I left my friend Melissa and I threw a little Holiday party and it was good to be able to see my friends and be able to say goodbye.

When I woke up the next morning I felt numb. I couldn't believe the day I was moving out

actually came. It almost felt like a bad dream. I was hoping it was a little bit. Packing my stuff into my dad's car and barely being able to fit it, reality started to set in. I really am leaving.

It's not something that I'm going to be talking about anymore but it is actually happening. Pulling out of Logan was bitter-sweet.

It was such a good chapter of my life. Short. But so great. I did a lot of growing and learning there. I hope to return someday. When we finished moving all my stuff home we headed for the Salt Lake Valley. In the winters now-a-days my parents live with my grandparents in the city so my dad doesn't have to commute in the snow and it saves a lot of money with snow removal expenses and gas. I wanted to see as many of my friends as possible so I tried to strategically plan my time for the few days I had left in Utah. I was able to see almost all the people I wanted to see but unfortunately not all. I hate not being able to be in five places at once sometimes. I was able to see some of my Oakcrest friends, High School friends, and my cousin Thomas.

Monday was finally here. I honestly could NOT believe it. It didn't feel real. I woke up early so my mom and I could work out some problems with my blood test for my mission papers. It was a mess. I came home and finished packing and that was it. My dad gave me a blessing and they took me to the airport. I felt like crying. I was scared and unsure. I know that it was Satan taking a toll on me but it was working. It was hard. I had to buy a book to read to keep my mind off things and I'm not even much of a reader.

The plane ride was nice and short and I was in California. My sister came to pick me up and it was a great reunion being with her. The next week we anxiously awaited for my sister to have her baby. There were a few false alarms but she waited until after Christmas to join us. Christmas was fabulous. It was very different to be away from my parents and my usual Christmas but it was fun to be with the Sharp family. Two days after Christmas my niece was finally born. It was such an incredible experience. My sister that I am living with {Melanie} has her children at home with a midwife.

It is a very interesting, and different option that our culture isn't familiar with or really accepts. I remember when I first found out with her first baby that she was doing this it made me really nervous. The more I've learned about birth and researched it, the more interested I became in what it was like. It was really neat to be able to play a role in this birth and be able to learn so much from this amazing experience. After this experience it makes me wonder why home-birth is so uncommon because it really was a slick process.

I wasn't planning on being present for the birth because I was there to watch after the other kids and keep them entertained and out of the way but where it was at night when she came, the kids were in bed, I was lucky enough to be invited to watch. What an incredible experience it was to be able to watch this new perfect baby join our family. And what a miracle birth really is.

It was very emotional and I am grateful that I was able to participate in such an amazing event.

Life is good. It's sometimes challenging and unpredictable, but good.

As this year is coming to a close and I have been reflecting on my year and I have realized that it has been a big year in my life. So much has happened and I have learned so much. It has definitely been a year for the books and I feel blessed. I found a quote the other day that really struck me and I haven't been able to get it off my mind. It says, "You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one." How true that is. This is a new chapter in my life. Even though the last one was short, I am on to the next one. I know that I am in the right place doing the right things. I know that as long as I stay close to the spirit, everything will fall into place. I keep feeling anxious and excited to see what is next in my life because I know that it's going to be big and it's going to be great. I have a nice plan in mind for myself but I know that the lord knows me so much better than I know myself and he can come up with something far better than I could even imagine. I feel so blessed and I am ready to take on this coming year and anxious to see what it has in store for me. To the year 2012... Happy New Year Everyone!

Difficult to Understand...

At the close of this day I find myself a little on the down side. I'm trying to understand why I feel so good about something and then all of the sudden I don't. Leaving Cedar City was much harder than I thought it would be. I thought I was ready for something new. I thought I was ready to move on. I'm not saying I'm not, I'm just saying it has been a lot harder than I ever imagined. The reality is slowly sinking in that I'm not going back this Fall. Cedar is no longer home to me, I'm the visitor when I go there and it is not only weird but hard. I may be getting ahead of myself but this is how I feel right now. I get to go down tomorrow for one of my friend's bridal shower/bachelorette party which I'm totally excited about but I'm just kind of bummed. I miss my friends, I miss my life. I know that change is good and I'm excited to see what the next chapter in my life has to hold but I'm just sad that the people in the last chapter of my life aren't going to be an everyday or even probably very often occurrence in this new chapter of my life.

I know transferring up to Utah State is what I'm supposed to do. It wasn't just a random thought that popped into my head one day, nor was it an easy decision. I have fasted and prayed about it and I feel like that is where the lord wants me to go, it's just {difficult to understand} sometimes of why. Staying in Cedar City is what makes sense. It is were I have established my home away from home. It is where all my friends are. It is where I had an amazing job with amazing people. It makes sense. I guess what I am learning through this process is that sometimes what makes the most sense, isn't what is necessarily right. I know that the lord is mindful of me, I just need to trust in him that everything is going to work out and that there is a reason I am doing this. It is going to be hard, but I know I can't do it without his help.

I'm looking forward to being able to see all my friends tomorrow and being back where I feel comfortable. I'm hoping it's not going to make me more down though. However, it is up to me whether or not I am going to be happy. I'll do my best to keep a smile on my face through this challenging change.

Xoxo.

M

Thank You . . . for the memories

"People will forget what you said, and people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

~Bonnie Jean Wasmund

As the summer quickly approaches I can't help but think about how fast this year has flown by. It seems like just yesterday I decided to move out to California and I was headed out there for the summer. Little did I know this time last year that it would be the best summer of my entire life. I remember being scared of the unknown, but I was really ready for a new adventure and to get away and be able to truly figure out who I am, what my testimony is. I was so blessed to meet the people I did. The people in my ward, the people I worked with, my sister's amazing friends, and all the other people that I was able to cross paths with this summer.

I feel like I was touched and influenced by so many people this summer and I am eternally grateful to all of those people and wanted to pay tribute to them today...

I'm grateful for my first friend I made out in California and for my sister introducing me to her. Sam thank you so much for helping me feel

welcome and for introducing me to many people

while I was out there. I miss you and appreciate

you and your friendship to me. You will forever

be my friend and I feel so blessed to have you as

a friend in my life.

To all my work friends, Jillian and Jesse my wonderful bosses and Jonathan, Sabrina, and Anthony my Manager and assistant managers were the best! And my favorite co-workers, Jeff, Matt, and Mark. I had an amazing experience working with all you people.

You are some of the most amazing people I will ever know and I am going to miss you all so much this summer, truly. Hopefully I will get to see some of you if I end up coming out at the end of the summer. :)

For all the amazing people in my ward. The

amazing relief society and priesthood. For the amazing bishopric and just everything. Just to mention a few names:

Sydney, Jessica, Leighann, Melody, Luke, and all the Living Scripture boys. I seriously lived for going to church and activities because this was my chance to be around people with the same standards as me and I'm so grateful for that.

From beach activities to volleyball nights,

anytime I was able to spend with these amazing people, it was always a good time. My testimony

grew so much over the summer and am forever

indebted to the Monta Vista Ward and for all that they taught me about myself and helped me

understand why the gospel is such an important part of my life. Thank you for all of your examples to me and for the love you all showed me as I lived out there last summer. Oh how I wish I was returning to the Bay Area for the summer, however there are other things in store for me this summer but I will hopefully be back sometime in August to visit.

How could I forget the whole Clark Pest Control Company working in the Bay Area? I had the amazing opportunity to spend quite a lot of time with these boys and I had a blast.

Special thanks to Shawn for taking us out on so many fun outings and for always making me feel welcome. Thanks to Nate for always keeping life lighthearted and finding something to laugh about. And to Jon for always hanging out with Matt and I and for attempting to teach me to play the guitar, maybe someday. haha Thanks to Spencer and Tricia for hanging out with us too and for all the chats we were able to have with them. Thanks to Regan for allowing me to hang around so much and for allowing me to get to know him and his family. Thanks to Matt for all the memories and for all the things I was able to learn from him. I was able to create some memories with Clark that I will always remember.

I was able to have one of my best friends close to me throughout the summer. Jenna and I both moved out to California to live with our sisters and work for the summer. It was so nice to have Jenna so close to have a little piece of home in such a foreign place. It was so good to be able to call Jenna up and have a sleepover or even just to hit up the beach together.

I have been down at SUU with Jenna for 2 years now and am sad to say I'll be leaving and won't be so close to her anymore but know that we will be friends forever. I am so grateful for my friendship with Jenna and look forward to many more memories to come with her.

I had the opportunity of living with my amazing sister and her cute family for an entire summer. They opened their home to me so freely and were so nice to host me for the summer.

They were so amazing to allow me to be in their hair and to help me with everything as far as giving me a place to sleep, finding me a bike to use for the summer, feeding me, teaching me life lessons, and so much more. I will never be able to thank this amazing family enough for all that they have done for me and continue to do for me in my life. I look up to you and your family so much Melanie and I miss you all so much it hurts. I'm looking forward to being with you again soon and wish I was coming back but appreciate you constant love and concern for me even though we are so far away from one another. I miss waking up to the kids' faces every morning and for my late night chats with you and Phil, not to mention our on-going battles of Blokus. I love you all so much and will forever hold my California memories dear and thank you again, for if it weren't for you all, none of this amazing summer would've been possible. So thank you thank you again and again.

Lastly, through Melanie I was able to meet some of her amazing friends who throughout the summer became my friends. I would just like to thank Sarah, Erin, and Megan for their amazing examples of amazing mothers, friends, sisters, and women they are in my life and the lives of many that surround them.

Talk about true friends, these women are all there for each other no matter what. The willingness they have to serve each other was just amazing to me and set a tremendous example to me. Thank you so much for allowing me to tag along and learn so much from the both of you. I love you both so much and will never be able to thank you enough for your examples of true friendship and love to me. I'm so grateful that I was able to get to know your children as well. What sweet, beautiful spirits they all have and it was an honor to have them call me "Aunt Mer" by the end of the summer. I can't wait to see you all when I come out and hopefully visit at the end of the summer. (hint, hint to Mel ;) ) You are all beautiful inside and out! :)

So as I come to the close of this post I am grateful. Grateful for the amazing memories that were created last summer and for all the amazing people that made up those memories. I was able to meet some of the most amazing people I will probably ever meet in my life within the short period of a summer and I am forever grateful to them for allowing me to be a part of their lives and for them being a part of mine. They have all truly touched my life in such a way that has made me change and want to be a better person and I am forever grateful for that. Thanks for the memories... Summer of 2010 was only filled with good ones. Love you all!

Missing all of you-

Merilee

Thank You . . . for your faith

"Thanks for showing me that even on the darkest, rainiest days the sun is still there, just behind the clouds, waiting to shine again."
~Lisa Harlow

Today I would like to pay tribute to my wonderful parents and for the faith that they have had for me and continue to have for me. I am the 12th blessed child that my parents have together and I am equally grateful for them as my 11 siblings. My parents are the ultimate examples of faith. I know us outsiders can only imagine the faith these people have but I have witnessed the faith these two have excerised throughout my life. The faith that it must have taken to have not just a couple of kids but 13 and to love and care for each of them the same. Through many hardships and miscarriages getting all of us here, I'm grateful they never lost faith or I probably wouldn't be here. My parents have been through some of the most difficult trials I have ever had to see people go through and even when times get rough and hard, they seem to continue to have faith and know that everything will work out. They know that the lord is on their side and they have taught us that from a very young age. My parents have been so supportive throughout my life and have always been those cute parents at every soccer game or Drill Team performance or competition, even though they have seen the same dance 893748923 times. My parent's have always allowed me to follow my dreams and do and go where I want and need to go to fufill those dreams and aspirations. Like I said, they have faith that I will trust in the lord and that everything will work out if I just have faith and trust in the lord. I'm grateful for my parent's and for the faith they have in me. Even when I make a mistake, they always seem to have faith in me. I appreciate their love and examples in my life and am so blessed to be thier daughter and be able to call them my parents. I love you both and appreciate your love for me.

All my heart and more,

Your baby girl

Simply Happy

Today I had one of those days that was just really good. As I have thought about the past month of my life I can honestly say that I am just simply happy. It has been awhile since I feel like I can honestly say that. All it took was for me to just "Stop and Smile" and just step back and realize how blessed I am in my life. I have such an amazing life and so many amazing people cheering me on in the race of life. It's the simple things in life that make me so happy whether it's simply going on a picnic with one of my lovely roommates or going for a nice jog at sunset on a warm spring evening. I just had one of those yummy days where I have just been at peace and so happy. My life has been so crazy busy lately with trying to get everything ready to move home and get everything ready to transfer, getting my runs in as I continue to prepare for my race, and finishing up school but today I feel like I was able to just escape all that stress and anxiety for a day and just enjoy life. Today I'm happy with where I am in life and where I'm going. I'm happy with the person I am and with the person I am becoming. Things in life are looking up even though things are hard. I'm sad to close such an amazing chapter in my life, but I'm anxious to see what the next one has to offer. So take a minute and just "Stop and Smile," think about what you are grateful for and the things that bring you happiness in life.

Life is good.

Xoxo,

Me

Today's Thoughts. . .

Today I received my official acceptance letter to Utah State. There has been a lot of prayer and a lot of trust in the lord that has gone into this decision. I know that there has been a lot of criticism whether it has been stated out loud or not but it has been hard to put that judgement aside and go with what I feel is right even though I know not everyone has agreed with my decision. There has been a lot of support too, don't get me wrong, but I have learned that you can never make everyone happy. I know that this decision is right and that I needed to take this leap of faith and listen to my heart. I know that with the help of the lord, I can get through this new journey. There have been a lot of other voices and a lot of opinions about my decisions in life, which are important to me but above all I have learned you have to to listen to your heart and listen to the spirit in everything. I know this is the right thing for me in my life and I know that the lord is on my side.

Thank You . . . for your inspiration

"I am grateful for whatever helps my spirit grow."

~Florida Calloway

Today as I reflect on who to thank this particular quote reminded me of my young women leaders growing up. As my life as a teenager has come to a close, I often think of these women who helped me battle life as a teenager. They have all helped me learn so much and I still reflect on the lessons and counsel they gave me just a few years ago. It's weird to think that I've been an old Relief Society lady for almost three years now. I am grateful for all the fun memories I will forever hold dear and for all the amazing examples I had growing up in the Woodland Ward Young Women. I have had far too many Young Women leaders to even begin to try and start naming but you all know who you are. Thank you for your incredible examples to me and for always loving me and looking out for me. I am grateful that I can still see them all when I go home to visit and that we are still close. Thank you for always checking up on me and making sure I'm doing alright.

I am especially lucky to have one of my Young Women Presidents as my best friends mom and as my adoptive mom. Paula you are amazing and I look up to you so much. You are strong and beautiful and I am so blessed to have you as such a big part of my life. Thank you for always welcoming me into your home and for making me feel part of the family almost. You home has been one of the places I feel the most safe and comfortable throughout the years and I can't thank you enough for that.

As I was looking back at my pictures I couldn't find any pictures of me with my leaders which makes me so sad but you all know who you are. I know that I wouldn't be the person I am today without your examples, counsel and inspiration. I learned in Young Women that church callings really are inspired. I saw that with the women that were called to work with me and the girls I was in Young Women with and I have seen it in my Singles Wards I've been in and the callings I have had. This summer I am going to be working up at Oakcrest Girls Camp and I hope that I can make girls camp as fun and spiritual as all of my leaders did for me. I'm looking forward to being able to reflect on my Girls Camp experiences and to be close to home where all those amazing, inspired women still are. Some have come and gone, but they are mostly still all up in Woodland. I love you all and I'm grateful for you all in my life. Thanks for everything.

Keep on Keepin' on,

Merilee